OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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