it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
