so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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