If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
