Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
