Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
