everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize