just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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