Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
