GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
