Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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