shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
