It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize