Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Damn victory sex feels great
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
