Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
