You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize