Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
