I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Come on in and take your pants off
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