he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
