He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
