It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I met the friendliest cop last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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