he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I will pee on everything he values.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
