Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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