Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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