Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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