he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize