Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
