You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
