Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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