I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can text with my tongue
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
