Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
