An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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