Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize