Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
