Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this hospital has no fireball
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
