dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
