so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize