I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
