You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
