im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
