remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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