She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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