Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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