we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
