I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
