No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
