The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
