Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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