If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
