I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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