You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
