2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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