"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
