Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
