Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize