Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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