someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
