Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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