Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
