he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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