I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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