just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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