As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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