Someone shit on the floor
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
