ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
