billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
