and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
