I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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