my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
