it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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