I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
