help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
