just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
