I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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