I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
