Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
