you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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